Daniel R. Kim, MD Posts About

Maturity and Advice-seeking

Piano

When Contestant 4 sits down at the piano, behind the veil the three judges keep their heads buried in their scoresheets, finalizing their critical remarks of Contestant 3. The scribbling continues. The judges look bored. Contestant 4 is given the signal to start. As soon as the first chord is struck, the judges pupils dilate and the scribbling stops. They look up toward the piano, curiously, though they can’t see who the pianist is through the veil. The playing is immaculate. One of the judges lifts her pen, but prior to making contact with the scoresheet for Contestant 4, hesitates, then sets the pen back on the table. She has nothing to say. She continues to listen. Her breathing slows. The judges smile and look at each other. Contestant 4 completes the performance and walks away.

Interviewer: What did you think of Contestant 4?
Judge A: Brilliant. I didn’t have anything to criticize.
Judge B: I was reminded of my old teacher in Poland.
Judge C: I felt nervous with the other contestants because I felt their fear of making a mistake. But with number 4, I could relax. I just thought, he knows everything already.

Japanese

A: You’re a White American. How did you get so good at Japanese? My Japanese friend told me you have the best Japanese from a foreigner she has ever heard.
B: I watched a lot of Japanese content and made a lot of flashcards.
A: Hmm. You lived in Japan when you were younger didn’t you?
B: No. I mean I did a study abroad there, but I was already fluent by that time. I spent my entire life in Oregon.
A: Did you have a tutor?
B: No.
A: How did you start learning Japanese?
B: When I was 16, I realized while watching a Japanese cartoon that it just sounded cool to me and I just had to learn it. I stumbled upon this African guy online who claimed that he just watched Japanese shows without English subtitles, basically every waking moment, alone in his apartment, with no speaking practice, and became fluent enough to work at Sony in 18 months. I was skeptical so I showed a video of him speaking Japanese to my Japanese friend, who said if she had only heard his voice she would have thought it was a native speaker. So that convinced me to try to emulate his methods.
A: Not many people would just devote every waking moment to learning Japanese. Why do you think you felt so motivated to do that?
B: That’s a good question. I wasn’t aware of this at the time, but back then I was kind of a loser and really wanted to be special. I think being really good at Japanese gave me this way to identify as someone who was cool. At the time, if you had asked me if I knew that Japan isn’t like anime, I would have agreed and reassured you that I know that “real Japan” isn’t like anime at all, but I think deep down inside I still had this fantasy of Japan. I thought that if I were good enough at Japanese I could escape into this world that was “so much better” than America. I don’t think this now obviously. I mean I still think Japanese is cool, but my relationship with it changed over time.
A: Hm okay. What do you think about Duolingo? I want to get better at Japanese.
B: I don’t recommend it.
A: Okay but what if I don’t have time to spend every waking hour watching Japanese? I only have around an hour a day.
B: You don’t have to do it my way. Before, I used to be really excited about trying to tell people that taking Japanese classes or doing Duolingo or studying a textbook doesn’t really do anything, and that they should just go all-out and watch hours and hours of native Japanese content all the time, but after a while I realized that not everyone’s goal is to reach a really high level of Japanese and that most people have other commitments.
A: I do want to get really good at Japanese though. Do you think one hour a day is enough?

Mentorship

K: I heard you went to Brown and are a doctor. My son is in high school. I want him to go to any Ivy League school and become a doctor. Do you have any advice?
L: Does he want to do that?
K: Yes. What kind of tutoring or college counseling service do you recommend?
L: I don’t recommend that.
K: Why not?
L: Oh, I mean, I don’t know if you should or shouldn’t hire one.
K: What do you mean? What kind of tutor did you have?
L: I didn’t have any tutoring.
K: Okay but do you think you would have benefitted from having one?
L: Hmm. I’m not sure what you mean by benefit. I don’t think I ever thought about it.
K: Are you serious? Anyway my son goes to an academy after school for 3 hours but he’s still not near the top of his class. He seems a little distracted. Last week I caught him playing a computer game at 1 am. I moved his PC to the middle of the living room since then. I’m not sure what to do to help him become a better student.
L: I’m not sure either. Have you talked to him about this?
K: Yes, he says he’s trying but doesn’t say much more than that. He doesn’t really talk to me much.
L: I see. Teenagers can be like that.
K: Yes. Well. Anyway. What did you write about for your college essay? I am going to send my son to Africa for a summer so that he has something to write about. I’m not sure what you think about that.
L: Hmm. That sounds interesting. For myself, I think I wrote about my father’s death from cancer when I was 13.
K: Oh I’m sorry that happened. My son doesn’t really have any tragedies like that to talk about. That’s why I think he should do this trip to Africa. I know someone from Doctors Without Borders and I’m trying to plug him in with their next trip.
L: That sounds like that could be interesting.
K: Why did you become a doctor? Did you have any doctors in your family?
L: No. Actually, I think maybe a distant relative was a gynecologist. Anyway, if I think back, I thought maybe I could become an oncologist after my dad got cancer.
K: Were you always a good student? How did you motivate yourself to become good enough at school to get into Brown? My son told me once he has a hard time motivating himself so whenever I find some insightful self-help videos on YouTube I send them to him.
L: I think I always did relatively well in school. As for motivation, I don’t know. I never really thought about needing to motivate myself.
K: I feel like you’re not really that helpful…
L: I wish I could help you. Honestly I don’t think I had any choice but to be a good student. In retrospect, after my dad died, I must have felt like I had to take everything seriously because I felt like I needed to take care of my family. I’m not sure if I ever consciously thought that though. I just remember feeling like I wasn’t the same as other kids who had both parents.
K: Hmm. I see. I mean, I’m not sure what you’re trying to say. Maybe I am spoiling my kid, but what am I supposed to do, give him more hardships?
L: I’m not trying to say anything about what you should do. I honestly don’t know.